when he come....

nice saturday :)
this morning I'll tell about my day
hey last night I dreaming about S and Z. that's beautiful dream that I ever had haha :P
he (S) really close to me. when I sit, I know that he walk around me but I pretending to don't know. I just playing my phone. and suddenly he sit behind me. when I look back I see his face. ow really handsome. I lean on him. I can feel his big tummy haha.
my friend call me and I stand up. after that when I wanna go, he run and stop my step. he look at my eyes. I can't do anyting. his eyes make me melted. he tell me "I like you, I wondering if you wanna be my gf?". ohmygod! I can't say anything on my mind. and he touch my cheek.
the end. and now part two of my dream is...
Z. I see him has a hair. he not bald. but I feel strange on my dream.
that's enough for him (Z).
yesterday I'm happy because all day long I always laughing with my friend. when the class presentation for Bahasa Indonesia, Ifsan, Abyan, and Yoga successful make me laugh until I had stomachache.
but the other side, I mad with Z. He replied my message at 01:00

"that's okay? hm you different from the others, from the girl that I ever met Rif. I'm not see you from 'how you look like'. I love you sincerely".

I replied his message and just said,

"I don't know, I still confused."

he:

"confused? why? you wondering why I can fall in love with you?"

me:

"yeah, like that. whereas, we don't know each other"

he:

"I know it, but I believe with my hearts feel, I can love you sincerely, you different from the others, I never see the girl from how she look like but I just see the girl with one things, hearts"

me:

"I understand what you mean, but that isn't be so fast. you don't know how about me and I don't know how about you"

he:

"okay. I never want to force you be my gf now, but I wanna be so close to you. so we can know know each other"

me:

"hm okay, just let it flow"

he:

"okay ;)"

like that haha. until know I feel nothing with him.
oh man I remember, yesterday when I sit with my friend windy and karin. he (s) come. and he said "heh where's your promise. hokben". I said "but I won't if deliv" haha I'm so glad and my heart beating faster when I near him and see his face :D

when he come....

now Im confused. I don't know want to do.
there's someone who like me. he is, I think i'll call him with 'z'.
my friend tell me if he like me because Im kind person and I'm cute :O
today he take me to school in this morning.
and at 21:38 he send me short messages. I don't know what my heart feels. happy, sad, afraid, confused, beating more faster or... whatever.
he write,

"hey Rif honestly, I love you so much. so you want to tell me how about your feeling? if you hate me or feel disturbed with me, just tell me.."

and I reply his message,

"that's okay. why you can fall in love with me? I just ordinary girl, im not beautiful. im not clever"

but until now, he don't reply my message.
huh I've said that I can't love him more because of some reason.
first, we've different religions. he's christian. and I'm muslim.
second, my parents tell me that I should listen what they say. "you must have commitment. how if you really fall in love with him? before that happen, don't you do it"
third, I'm still confused with 'what my heart fell'. I love someone else and I still can't forget S. if I accept him to my live, Im afraid he'll be disappointed with what I do.

Im so sorry. but I think you can find someone else better than me. why you choose me?
I think we can't be in relationship. just friend. I think it's better :)

no one knows what will happen to me
to be continue....